we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm too high and old for this...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
