Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize