A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize