I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
