i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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