Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
