Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
