Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
