I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
