I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
