he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
