I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
