I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
