Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wish i was in the wii world.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
