shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
