I hate all girls vehemently.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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