We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
