My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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