If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
it was like eating out sand paper
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
