You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
