On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
