I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
