it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
