Yo dont text me then not text me
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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