I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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