Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
