I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My feet surprised me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
