Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
