she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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