there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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