so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
did you just send me my own nude
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
