I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize