I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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