All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
