Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
