We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize