I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
