she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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