she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
