I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
