This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize