I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
