I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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