none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize