Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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