why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
