wrigley field is MILF paradise
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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