My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
