I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
