Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Can I color on your dick again?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
