hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
