I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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