allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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