I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
