Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
