yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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