HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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