We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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