There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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