she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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