I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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