I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
