Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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