This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Of course I have a pirate flag
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
