I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
