it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
