i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize