apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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