His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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