U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
