Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Your cock deserves a montage
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize