hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize