Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
