3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
