i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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